This post was most recently updated on May 9th, 2024
How do you begin repairing something that’s broken, something to which you’ve dedicated so much time and life?
Fixing a broken marriage may be one of the most challenging of all relationships to fix and heal.
First of all, it’s no easy feat. Anyone that believes that there’s always a science to interpersonal relationships and that there’s a secret formula to simplify the entire process probably isn’t giving you the entire picture.
Realize, that the road back to fixing a broken marriage is probably going to take everything you’ve got. Patience, humility, an open mind, maybe even going against much of what you believed about your marriage.
Identify the Problem
When we’re ill when something is broken when something is just not working. There’s no way to change course and fix the situation if we do not understand and identify the problem.
Even if you and your spouse have reconciled, everything appears to be back on track and normal, the reality is if you did not identify what was the cause of the conflict, to begin with.
That incident will either repeat and rear its ugly head again, or take on a whole other form entirely causing the same stress and a problem in your marriage.
What Not to Do When Fixing a Broken Marriage
You must exercise great care during this phase when trying to pinpoint the problem. It’s very easy to overlook many of the important things, especially if you’re going at it alone.
It isn’t like just fixing things in the home where you can just come up with a quick fix. 
If it were that simple, everyone could fix their relationship and marriage woes.
Naturally, we will turn to our most trusted family, friends, counselors, spiritual advisers, anyone that we believe we can trust to give us good advice and guidance. A measure of caution has to be taken here because 2 people are involved here, you and your spouse.
Only the relationship of both together will begin to help you understand what the root cause is. If you went to your mother, sister or best friend, and let’s just suppose they weren’t too keen on your spouse. How objective do you believe your mother, sister or best friend would be? Even if they are well intended in their advice, could you really expect that they would be fair and impartial towards your spouse?
I think you get the idea. We want to identify the problem, it’s very possible that a big part of the problem is us. We have to ask some very tough, some very critical questions that may not paint us in the best light, someone we’re close to telling us what we want to hear and reminding us our spouse is the problem is not going to get us to the shortest path to a resolution. In fact, it may even lead to other problems we don’t need at this point.
Give the Very Best of Yourself
It was easy during the dating phase, after the wedding, and after the honeymoon. The real test is when the marriage has to weather the storm. What’s going to be left standing?? What will remain after you’ve been through the fire?
Throughout this whole process, it’s natural to feel tired. You’re going to fall down and often times you just don’t feel like getting back up and pushing forward. This is your life though. This is your future. Many people, including your family and friends, likely played a role in making your marriage and happiness a reality.
Once upon a time in cultures across the world. That’s what marriage was about. A covenant between, man, wife, God, and families. All coming together as one, like the love of the husband and wife. Unless there is serious physical abuse or harm to either spouse, saving a marriage is important. Especially for the sake of children.
One thing I’ve learned personally, is no matter how strong a person you believe you are, how tough and resilient you are to all adversity, at some point things are beyond your control, and you’re going to need help from others to help you get through those difficult moments. I’m in no way discouraging you to seek good advice, on the contrary, seek the advice and emotional support from your closest family and friends, but discern carefully when all they are doing is telling you what you want to hear.
A truly well-intended person will be critical of you, as well as supportive. If you are the one that committed infidelity, an honest person, whomever that may be, mother, sister, best friend, a relative will tell you what you did was morally wrong, and that you should admit fault and help make amends, not tell you and find reasons why what you did was justified. “He wasn’t giving you the attention you deserved, you had every right to cheat”
Fixing a Broken Marriage – for the Children
As a child, some of my closest friends parents went through a divorce. I felt deep sadness witnessing the profound changes these friends underwent during and after their parent’s breakup.
Some children show remarkable strength, carrying on unaffected by their parents’ struggles.. However, it’s entirely normal for children to be very vulnerable havi
ng to deal with the emotional pains. What is truly unique about marriage as opposed to say other relationships/ friendships are those individuals like children, who have such a great stake in the success of husband/wife, father/ mother remaining and thriving together harmoniously.
This subject matter is so absolutely vital that we will not go in depth on it in this particular piece. It really deserves a much more comprehensive examination and reflection.
I can say that while personal happiness is important, prioritizing the well-being of children is crucial in a happy marriage.
So let’s not dwell too much on what has transpired.
Much work lies ahead with high stakes, requiring your utmost energy and discipline to overcome remaining challenges. Remember, it is of utmost importance to identify the root of the problem, and now we can at least begin to focus on that. You should not merely focus on what he/she is not doing for you.
After finding the conflict’s root cause, assess your contribution and determine how you can be part of the solution.
Thank you again for visiting HappilyOne.com. Stay tuned for future updates, and as always, we appreciate your comments, concerns, and thoughts
Be sure to check out our other marriage advice articles: http://www.happilyone.com/unhappy-marriage-where-do-we-begin/
