This post was most recently updated on May 5th, 2024
My childhood checklist was as follows. Was your childhood the same growing up?
I can check off every single line. My childhood days were like the Wonder Years, the Walton’s, the Little Rascals and the Brady Bunch all rolled up into one.
While we’re focusing mainly on reconnecting with childhood friendships, we could also include friendships during adulthood in most cases.
However, just for now, let’s assume we’re talking about childhood and young adulthood friendships through high-school. Lets also assume it’s you trying to find and reconnect with old friends, instead of them looking for you.
Lets ask ourselves a few questions:
What are some things that are going on in your mind, your thoughts and emotions?
Do you feel it’s a good thing to look for people in your distant past?
Is it worthwhile, and what are your expectations as to the outcome?
In this technological, social media revolution we’re living in, it’s nearly impossible to remain isolated from past friendships. More than likely your old friends will find you, whether you’re using social media or not.
Here’s what happened on my journey into the past, reconnecting with long lost childhood friendships I had left behind.
Let me just be forthcoming with the overall outcome.
I have no regrets today revisiting the past
For many years I was apprehensive about reconnecting with old friends from my past. I think like many people, it had a lot to do with fears that had built up over the years. Perhaps the fear of disappointment more than anything.
I had moved away from my hometown during the middle of high school. The move was very abrupt, so I never really wished many of my old friends goodbye. I just disappeared, and tried to get on with life.
The most overwhelming emotion I felt at the time was a sadness that somehow I lost 2 awesome years of my life.
I wasn’t that outgoing kid that could make new friends easily. I didn’t adapt well or embraced change (still don’t):). and I did not have the maturity to know what I was feeling at the time was perfectly normal. That feeling was loneliness and fear.
I felt as though my old friends were enjoying a great time, and I was not a part of it. Even though I was in their presence during summer visits, I didn’t feel like I was part of their circles anymore.
At the time this was really a difficult thing to deal with. I felt left back, not just left out altogether.
Fast forward decades later. Here I am behind the computer seeing all my former friends on Facebook. I’m staring at the monitor contemplating whether to send them a friend request.
One day I decided I had to reconcile the past. Whatever the outcome was, I just wanted to know if what happened in the past was for the best.
When I reconnected with some of my closest friends. All the questions, all the things I wondered about, all the things that bothered me for so many years became clear and meaningful. All the bad feelings melted away with all the years that passed.
These are some of my observations and some things I learned. Perhaps during your own personal journey in reconnecting with your old friends, you’ll experience some of the same things.
Many of my friends who were friends with each other are no longer friends anymore.
This was sad but I guess somewhat expected. People just drift apart. Especially during childhood and young adulthood. I had 2 Neighborhood friends. All three of us always had a good time together, we were always very close. That was then, not so today.
Today if I visited them. It would be awkward to invite both friends where all of us would be together. What I learned from experience is when you have two friends you are equally close to, and those two friends have a falling out, you never choose sides, even if one friend is at fault for the fallout.
I ended up calling both friends and was very mindful not to mention the other friend. This was the right thing to do. I wish it weren’t this way, but that’s what time and change has done.
The irony of it all: the person who left and moved away(me) remained friends with both who stayed (them). Sometimes separation can be a mixed blessing.
Friends that I reconnected with had the same fears I did
One of the biggest fears that people have reconnecting with old friends is the fear of what their former friends are thinking about them .
Do I look old to them?
Do I look overweight?
Will they lose respect for me when I tell them what I do for a living?
I’m still single and don’t have kids what excuse will I come up with?
I dropped out and didn’t finish college what’s my explanation?
What am I doing with my life today, and what can I brag about?
Why am I reconnecting with them and talking about the past, is it? because I’m so unhappy with the present?
So many questions so many worries. It’s a wonder how this reconnecting thing could ever turn out well.
Many former friends will feel reconnecting today is just living in the past
For certain people in your past, the overwhelming feeling is, you don’t belong in their present life.
These friends that you reconnect with will probably be the most disappointing. They will be polite to you, they may even say some nice things to you and about the times in the past you shared, but in all honesty, they probably don’t care to make any connection with you at all.
You know what? That really shouldn’t bother you. Having too big of an expectation that everyone will be glad to hear from you, is not realistic.
Trying to find reasons is an endeavor you probably do not want to take. Besides, the reasons probably will not make sense. You will probably feel guilty for no good reason.
I had a close childhood friend who fits this description. I will run into him from time to time . We will exchange phone numbers, he’ll ask me to call him, and then he’ll never return the call.
At the same time, I know that he’s going through a lot of personal crisis with his family. Who doesn’t have stress and problems? I am not at all surprised that this former friend has no close friends today. Good friends are a blessing . Friendships though have to be nourished with mutual respect. Investing time is also part of that.
My advice is, these are the types of former friends you should probably stay a safe distance from. They are giving you a clear signal of their intentions.
You should heed those signals with caution , and for once you look out for yourself. It’s like eating a bad fruit. It may not kill you, but you’ll probably end up sick and just blaming yourself for nothing.
Channel your good intention and your energies to those friends who really deserve it . Friends who really deserve your kindness and concern.
Visiting Yesterday, made me appreciate the Present
In case you missed it, please read our other piece about Reconnecting with Old Friends ! It’s been wonderful being to share my experiences with so many people who had lived through the same things.
Are you a parent, making a move to another city or state due to career opportunities? Chances are you’ll have to explain to your kids the sacrifices they’ll have to make for their future.
I hope by reading this, you’ll be reassured good things will come their way even though the transition to your new home will be a little tough at first.
Your kids will have friends and history from 2 places, whereas most kids will just 1. More importantly, they’ll learn early that adulthood is about adapting, solving problems and having to endure difficulties. There’s no better character builder than having to learn to persevere through problems life will throw at them.
Closing Thoughts
I just wanted to let others know they weren’t alone. Their struggles in the past were very much like my own. You will really look at your life today in an honest and fulfilling way reconnecting with those persons who knew you before you became the person you are today.
I’m happier today knowing I can close a chapter in my life that was never completed. It will be great to go back to my old hometown in the future with a sense of peace and calm. For the first time, I realized that everything that happened fell into place perfectly.
Looking back at it all today, the most liberating feeling is that things were never as bad as they seemed. I wish you well on your journey.
- References: What is a True Friend
