This post was most recently updated on April 21st, 2024
How did a fairy tale turn into an Unhappy Marriage? Practically every love story has the possibility to start as if it were a fairy tale. As soon as a couple starts to grow and their lives alter with careers, kids etc, the love and fairy tale ends up being harder to make a reality.
Often times love and the very notion of what it was all about appeared to have changed. The reality is the only thing that changed was the focus of our adoration. It went from adoring the other person to adoring ourselves, and there lies the underlying problem.
Where do you begi
Isn’t it true that almost every great love, friendship, and the relationship had an amazing story and in almost every case(the majority anyway), the beginning was a huge part of that? Marriages are special relationships, you would expect no different.
What was it though about the first chapter in every love story that was always great, that was always pleasant?
Start from the Beginning
One of the answers is that in the beginning of the relationship, we were at a phase where we were enjoying learning about the other person.
Really. I mean, we’re not just there sitting and listening to someone and it’s a chore to be polite and attentive.
Sure we enjoy sharing things about ourselves in the early phases of relationships. Our talents, our desires, the things that may set us apart and make us unique from others.
However, just during this phase, in particular, it isn’t all about us, and this is one of the key distinctions from what happens in strained relationships and strained marriages later on. The focus has dramatically shifted to her
We Overlooked Each Others Flaws
It’s almost counter-intuitive, but this is something that should be happening years into and during the marriage, not months and years before.
It’s very likely that there was a whole host of flaws regarding your significant other that are only coming out now during the marriage. It could be jealousy, short-tempered emotional outbursts, lack of sensitivity, total indifference to important matters.
None of these things were important then, so why should they be now? It matters now because it’s not just something you can regularly walk away from. More often than not, all those aggravating character flaws have a direct effect on you today and possibly even your immediate future.
Still, it would be unfair and unrealistic to have expected perfection from another person, either then or now. They weren’t perfect then, yet you fell in love with them.
Perhaps today you may just have to overlook those flaws that you once did. Nothing has necessarily changed with that person you fell in love with.
Only your perceptions have. More than likely your patience to tolerate many of those unpleasant aspects you didn’t like.
The Understanding of Love and Romance in an Unhappy Marriage
Other than the word “Love” I don’t know if there is any word that’s more used, yet more misunderstood in the entire vocabulary regarding the word ‘relationship ‘
Not understanding what the word Love is, and maybe a misunderstanding of the role of romance may be one of the leading causes of why marriages enter turbulent times.
I’ve asked several persons their definition of Love on several different occasions. Persons from various backgrounds, experiences, cultures etc.
Here are some of the short answers I got when I asked individuals what the word “Love” meant to them.
“Love is, unconditional love
“Love involves someone who respects me”
“Someone who Loves me is someone who makes me happy”
These are not all bad answers, and there may not be that one perfect definition of what Love is. I truly believe though that understanding what Love involves cannot be overlooked, especially in the early stages of when a relationship goes beyond the dating phase.
After marriage, knowing and understanding the the definition of Love is absolutely paramount. You should understand and know it cold, even in your sleep. Nothing can be put above Love.
Not even romance cannot be put above Love. Yes, you read that correctly and I’d like to emphasize that: to place romance above love will not be the remedy to Fixing a Broken Marriage.
If anything, it’s a short-term, temporary fix
I think at this point since we’ve made such a bold claim we really delve into the reasons. Reasons that are not just mere opinion. We can look at how it applies to real life, real-world situations.
Why would Love take precedence over romance?
You can love your spouse, you can love your children, you can love your family members and even your closest friends. Romance can only involve one other person.
More importantly, being romantic towards someone doesn’t mean you necessary love them. Let me repeat that last sentence, and really think about it:
… being romantic towards someone doesn’t mean you necessary love them
Now many will argue that romance still is an absolutely essential ingredient in a healthy marriage. There’s no doubt it has its place, it could absolutely enhance any married couples life, especially years later as time wears on the relationship.
I think the critical mistake in this instance is believing that more romance will lead to more love.
It’s very likely someone can be romantic and yet not be in love with that person they’re being romantic with.
Time to ask ourselves the tough question why we’re in an Unhappy Marriage
Ask yourself these questions in a very critical and objective way. I don’t mean to answer then so simple as saying: “Love is unconditional” or “Love is respectful, loyal and kind”
Ask the tough questions because it’s the tough, honest, incitefull answers that
You’re obviously in an unhappy, uncertain time in your marriage. Has your definition of Love changed by these things that are causing you and your spouse to be unhappy?
Everyone wants a storybook wedding and a storybook marriage. What one thing did you expect from your marriage that today you believe never materialized?
Would Romance still be important to you even if it did not guarantee the love of your spouse?
What is the single biggest obstacle to making your relationship/marriage as magical as it once was?
So it goes without saying, these are some very deep thought provoking questions you can begin to ask yourself, all for the purpose of starting to lay the foundation for that critical ingredient of marriage. Love.
The better we can understand Love, the better we can strive to bring it back. At HappilyOne.com it’s all about conveying the message of joy, love, and peace back into your life.
Nothing would give us greater joy, then knowing through dedication, devotion, hard work, and spiritual guidance, you and your spouse found the happiness you wished for. Thank you for visiting the site. Continue with your reflection and stay tuned for many other helpful and hopeful ideas.
