This post was most recently updated on April 24th, 2024
Have you recently thought about reconnecting with old friends? Not just say old boyfriends or girlfriends, but innocent friendships like those of your childhood? Technology and social media have revolutionized just about every facet of our lives.
There is almost nothing left for wondering these days, even with past friendships and relationships. Before the internet age, finding old friends was no easy task. The longer the separation, the more challenging the search was.
Reconnecting with Old Friends – the Reason
Reconnecting sounds simple, but based on my personal experiences there’s really a lot more to it than just contacting someone who hasn’t seen you in say 30 to 40 years.
I’m willing to wager many of you have gone through a very similar experience during your childhood. It’s just natural in your later years to reflect on life and the people who were so much a part of it, but haven’t been since then.
For many of us who lived in the pre-digital, analogue days, high-tech and social media was non-existent. Even if you had to call across town, they charged you by the minute to be on a landline telephone. When you think about that today it was downright crazy and nuts, but that was the way of the world.
If you had to move from your hometown as was my case , that move was a major event in your life. Social media would make the move a little easier today. Your old friends are just a couple of clicks away. So that could cure some of the homesickness at least.
Technology or no technology, at the core is the human element. The relationships you experienced with old friends that may or may not have had an impact (both good or bad) on your life, then or now. That’s really the big unknown, and maybe one allure of revisiting friends from your past.
Reconnecting with Old Friends – the Challenges
I had a difference of opinion when I brought up friends, specifically childhood friends during a discussion with a sibling. His belief and premise was the following.
There’s a huge difference and distinction between friends and childhood friends.
It’s almost like implying that childhood friends weren’t true friends for whatever reasons. Perhaps the most obvious reason being that the friends from childhood were innocent types of friendships and that when you were friends with those persons, you yourself weren’t the person you are today.
That’s mostly true. You probably aren’t that kid today if you’re a full-grown adult, neither physically nor emotionally. However, I told my sibling I looked at the whole thing from a different angle.
I wasn’t that person I am today, but those childhood friendships shaped who I am today
Now we both could be correct regarding how we understand childhood friendships. And based on which of the 2 opinions you have, (there can be more) that’s probably what will determine whether you would even consider seeking, searching and reconnecting with old friends.
Who am I today? Will the past be how they see us?
You’re not the only one asking this, believe me. I asked this question to myself many times. In our past, there were expectations put upon us, not just by ourselves, but those closest to us.
The more talented and gifted you were, the higher the expectations were. You know? Fast forward decades ahead, even during our middle-aged years, and we’re still asking the same questions. In fact, we’re probably more critical of ourselves now as we ever were .
Your old friends will worry about the same things you do
We all have fears, worries. For men its hair loss, other physical things such as weight, for women the same. It’s amazing how our relationships both present and past are so much influenced by how we perceive and believe about ourselves.
The irony of it all is our true friends, the friends who really cared and loved us really couldn’t have cared less for these things we ourselves are so critical of. More often than not, they just enjoyed our company, and enjoyed the things that made us who we were. Even our faults and flaws, those old friends usually accepted them and others we were closest to.
These sorts of things run through everyone’s mind. And if it’s not physical features, it’s something relative to your professional and financial situation. So the challenges of reconnecting with childhood friends has a lot to do with fear. That fear usually lives within us. Most times it’s not rational.
If you’re wondering the reasons someone from your past would not want to revisit or rekindle the friendship with you today, it’s usually for 2 underlying reasons.
They’ve convinced themselves they weren’t the same person in the past, therefore you were friends with someone that does not exist today.
Fear – of you, of themselves, and what life has become since your friendship
Meeting with old friends after a long time
will often culminate in surprises, some good , some bad. The good feelings come when friends remember you and acknowledge how important you were in their life.
Depending on how close your friendship was to that friend, you’ll easily be able to notice the effects of time on that old friend, again both the good and bad.
I’ve had some very free spirited, carefree friends who in our youth were oblivious to stress and worry, only later disillusioned by life-changing events like divorce and financial ruin.
Some old friends have changed profoundly, be ready to accept it
I believe it’s important to accept these changes your old friends have undergone over the years. Even, you yourself have evolved in much of the same ways. You may end up being disappointed if you want the same sentiments from the past and reject all the things that time has changed.
It’s better to accept the changes and reflect on the things you once shared. Celebrate the moments you had with your old friends while not obsessing too much over them .
It’s something to appreciate when an old friend can remember a memory or moment that even your own siblings and family were not a part of. That is a very special thing unique to all the relationships you have today.
The more I reflected on these questions this way, the more I leaned towards deciding to reconnect with my past friendships. For many years I had been very apprehensive about it, and I just couldn’t understand why.
What happens after you reconnect with old friends?
Now that you have reconnected, it’s time to let the friendship evolve. It can be very easy and seamless. Siblings are special because we evolve with them over our entire life even if there’s separation by distance, marriage and career paths that go in different directions.
With our siblings though, we’re united not just because of the family, but because we accept their importance in our lives.
What if I’d just rather Let it Be and leave the friendship in the past?
“There’s a reason people in your past, remained in your past.”
I’ve read that response by many who had no desire to reconnect with old friends. It has a semblance of truth. What would your reason be today or the past decade though for not staying connected with someone?
I mean you could log on to Facebook every morning of the week and watch them over a cup of coffee. With high tech you can stay connected forever, so why not just leave it that way?
It’s still a shame. So many people I know today look for reasons for not staying in touch with past friends. It’s almost as if they’re convincing themselves into believing that by cutting off people from the past, is the only way to go forward to live in the here and now.
Should You Reconnect with Old Friends or not??
You can’t answer that for others. All I could do about that today is write about it and write about some of my own personal experiences. I initially was very, very apprehensive about reconnecting with childhood friends.
My childhood was amazing. Stellar, full of interesting individuals who had a significant influence on me, not just then, but to this very day.
My reasoning and rationale was why ruin a good thing? Why not just let it be and just be happy with what I have today?
I rethought this and reflected deeply on what the past and relationships really meant. Further I thought to myself, how insignificant were some of these past friendships? After over 30 years, many of these friends from my past still stand out. Stand out even more than the friends I have today.
I prepared myself for some disappointments. The possibility of the letdown by childhood friends who may have forgotten me. Or worse, didn’t know who the hell I was. .
What caught me by surprise is not that some people I knew forgot me, but that my old friends and our mutual acquaintances no longer have relationships or contact today.
My best advice would be to ask yourself what old friendships meant to you. Keep your expectations relatively low and don’t take rejection by those who forgot you too personal.
Remember, you don’t know what others have gone through over the years. If you reconnect with old friends and they are happy to see you, then be just as thrilled as they are. It’s good to accept the changes that your old friends have undergone and be happy for their successes.
It’s equally well and noble to be sympathetic and understanding of their misfortunes.
I have no regrets I reconnected; I wish you the same with whatever you do.
